The “Real World Breakup Advice” is a series of articles where I publish reader-submitted articles about the breakup scenarios they’re facing with an ex girlfriend. For privacy reasons, the names of the people involved have been changed.
Previous episodes:
The following email was sent to me by “Jason,” a reader who was seeking some advice on a situation he’s facing with his ex…
Reader’s Question: “Take Her For A Drink?”
“Hi Ricky — I’ve been out to breakfast with my ex since we broke up a month ago. She still texts me at times, most recently showing me how the garden I planted for her is doing well.
I was going to ask her for a drink tomorrow, but am unsure if this is a good idea. I teach a night class a few miles from where she lives and thought I’d give her a “I was in the neighborhood, do you want to grab a quick drink?” My problem is that she is very busy with her medical school work (the time consuming nature is one of the reasons she wanted to split). Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.”
Big thanks to Jason for sending in his question, and for allowing me to put it up as a feature on the website. Now, what advice did I give to Jason about his particular situation? Here’s my 2 cents…
My Response: “No Contact Is Best”
“Hi Jason! It sounds like you’re in a fairly good position with your ex right now… if she’s actively texting you and willing to meet you for breakfast, she clearly hasn’t forgotten you and probably still has romantic feelings for you as well.
Did you go through the ‘no contact’ phase that I recommend in many articles on the website? If not, I would wait a week or two before you ask her to grab a drink. Remember that you need to give her time to start missing you and to become nostalgic about the good times you shared together. Moving too quickly and asking her to hang out could backfire and cause her to back away. So, if you haven’t already, I’d wait a week or two without communication (unless she contacts you) before you try to meet with your ex again. (This is especially important if she uses the “I’m busy with school” line often, as it usually means she may have felt obligated or pressured to hang out with you when she really didn’t have time due to school commitments.)
When you do decide to ask your ex girlfriend to meet for a drink — hopefully after you’ve left her alone for a while — I think the strategy you described in your email is a good one. I definitely like the ultra-casual “I was in the neighborhood…” line, as that makes it seem unplanned and non-threatening.
Regardless of what you choose to do, just make sure you remember the fundamentals I mention throughout my website: you need to show your ex that you don’t need her in your life, that you are a high-status dude with other women waiting in line that will happily take her place, and that you certainly aren’t the type to be needy or clingy. The best way to get those messages across is usually through the ‘no contact’ period.
Good luck, Jason! Hope it works out for you.”
What are your thoughts on Jason’s situation with his ex girlfriend? If you have any additional advice for him, please share your thoughts in the comments section at the bottom of this article.
